Is it bad to confess that I miss teaching?

I hear all of you ex-teachers shouting “Are you crazy?” but I really do miss it.

I am a huge fan of metaphors so the best way to describe me and teaching is as a toxic relationship. When I was in teaching there were such good times but equally there were very, very challenging times. Then when you finally escape it, you look back and only remember the good times but I need to remind myself of the bad times too.

I was born to be a teacher. I love teaching and supporting others. I’m a practical person who values education and kindness. I had great pride in telling people that I was a teacher and it was part of my identity. I don’t currently teach in the classroom so I feel like I’ve lost a part of myself.

I couldn’t think of anything worse than having an office job. My worst nightmare is being bored and lonely. So when I left teaching after 10 years and found myself working from home on a laptop all day, I really started to miss teaching. During my career in teaching, I experienced every emotion there is but I was NEVER bored. Every day is different, not every day is a good day, but it is always different. One day you could be putting (metaphorical) fires out all over the place and then the next day, you could be cuddling a cute little lamb in the staffroom- who knows what will happen!

My brain works quite quickly so teaching always suited me as the average pace of a school day is 150 miles per second. So teaching can be super overstimulating- imagine your name being called 7 times, someone has spilt water on their book, someone is walking around the room, the projector has just turned off, the worksheets (that you just printed off) fall off the desk and you’ve only got 10 minutes to wrap up the lesson and tidy up before another 30 students turn up for their lesson on a completely different topic. STRESS!  

BUT

When you get one of those lessons where the class are super engaged, they remember their prior learning and their enjoyment is clear- that is PEAK stimulation. That is when you remind yourself “I get paid to do this!” and you walk out of that lesson knowing that you have the best job ever.

BUT

In my experience, those lessons are unfortunately few and far between. As teachers, we live for those lessons and tolerate the lessons that are overstimulating. Inevitably, this cannot be sustained. Our bodies and minds can only take so much overstimulation and stress before we start to burn out…which is what happened to me.

SO to return to the metaphor. People leave toxic relationships because the person is having a negative effect on their lives and this was true for me. After 10 years, teaching and being in the classroom was having a negative impact on both my physical and mental health. After leaving a toxic relationship, people look back and realise that their partner must have been a bad person to have such a negative impact on them. However, I look back and realise education and teaching aren’t bad. In fact, I believe education is the key to everything. So I’m a little torn. Why did something so important (and something I am great at) lead me to burnout? And could I ever return?

Maybe, just like the advice you’d give to people who have left toxic relationships, there was a reason it didn’t work out and I will find the perfect role in the perfect school or educational setting. And just like the people who have left, I’m not sure that exists… but I can hope.